Don’t Hurt Me Anymore
I love the warmth of having someone there. I think that’s why I put myself into these situations. I don’t want to be alone. Not anymore. That’s why it’s so hard to leave. That’s why I listen and do as the say. That’s why I can’t say no. Cause they’ll leave. I don’t want any of it but I have to if I want them to stay.
I stared at my boyfriend as he stared at me with lustful eyes. “Come on baby! It’ll be fun! Please?” He started to feel up my thigh. I shook my head no. “Why do I even date you? You don’t let me do anything!” He got off the couch and started to walk away.
“NO! Please, don’t leave me. Do whatever you want.” He smirked at my surrender, already back on the couch. He started to kiss me deeply. I felt his tongue work its way around my mouth. Then he pulled back and started to kiss my jawline as he worked me out of my pants.
“I love you baby,” he whispered in my ear.
“I love you too…” I whispered back as my tears start to fall.
I woke to find my boyfriend asleep next to me. His warm body felt not as nice as it used to against mine. I crept off the couch, careful not to wake the sleeping beast. I crawled back into my clothes and headed towards the door. I grabbed my coat and shoes. I was about to head out when I stopped in front of a mirror. A feeling of disgust pitted itself against my stomach. My eyes that used to bright and filled with wonder, now were dull and surrounded by dark circles. My cheeks, once full of color and a tad rosy, now were pale and clammy. My hair that used to fall perfectly in place, now was dull and without its usual lustrous shine. What have I done to myself? I rushed out the door and into the sunflower fields, never to return to that house.
I was working in the sun flower fields when I heard a whining sound. It was a soft cry.
“Latvia, do not be trouble. I will be back soon.”
“Y-yes s-sir.” I gave him my usual childish smile. He shivered. I do not get why they are so afraid of me.
With that I turned and plunged myself into the sea of sunflowers. I tried to locate the crying figure but I did not see anyone. I worked my way deeper into the sunflowers until I saw a feminine figure crying on the ground. I walked up closer trying not to be noticed. Then in one fellow swoop, I picked her up bridal style and started to walk back. She was startled by my actions. She started to struggle to escape me.
“Please, no more! Please don’t hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt anymore,” she shouted. I was hurt that she would think I would hurt her, but I put her down gently like she wanted. She looked at me terrified but still didn’t run.
“Would you like to come back to my place sunflower? It’s a lot warmer in there than out here. Then you can tell me why you were crying in my sunflowers, da?” I smiled at her. I could she her expressions soften.
“Y-yes. T-thank you.” She choked out through her remaining tears. I reached out my hand. Reluctantly she took it. Together we headed towards my home.
I studied the man who had found me. To tell you the truth I felt a bit embarrassed. The things I had said… I didn’t mean them. I was startled and scared. And after everything I had been through lately… I did have the right to be scared. I don’t know why but now I was headed to this man’s house. Who knew what would happen to me. Yet, I think I was falling for him. Shows you how desperate I am. Falling for a guy I had just met five minutes ago, and I knew nothing about him. No wonder I hate myself so much. I am truly pathetic.
Eventually we found the end of the sunflower patch. What I saw amazed me. A large beautiful house was there, and that’s where we were headed. I followed him into the mansion and I admired everything. But it felt so empty.
“Do you live alone?”
“Da sunflower…” I could hear the sad tone in his voice.
“You live in an awfully big house to live alone, don’t you think?”
“Da… it’s not that I want it. It’s just that no one will live with me.” Why would anyone let this poor, sweet guy be alone? Oh, there I go again.
Eventually we reached the room he was looking for. Inside there was a fireplace, two chairs and a table in between them.
“You like a hot chocolate, da?” he asked gently.
“Yes that would be nice, thank you.” I smiled at him. As he left I made myself comfortable by the fire.
She smiled at me, she actually smiled at me. What is this warm feeling in my stomach I’m feeling? I kind of like it. I’ve never felt like this before.
I quickly grabbed the hot chocolate I had Latvia make and quickly rushed back to the room I left her in. She thanked me for the hot chocolate, staring into my eyes. I finally got a good look at her face. She was beautiful, with her big (e/c) eyes and (h/l) (h/c) locks. Though it was evident she had been through a lot. A bit of proper pampering would help her get back to normal. I’m sure she would like that. For now though, letting her breath would probably be best.
“So sunflower, why were you crying?”
“I, uh… made some mistakes… so I ran… from my boyfriend… well now ex-boyfriend…” She had trouble forming her words, like she didn’t know how to say it… or how much to give.
“He hurt you, da? Don’ worry, I will protect you, da?” I smiled childishly.
She giggled. “You’re too sweet… um… I’m sorry I don’t know what to call you. What might your name be?”
“Ivan. What might sunflower’s name be?”
“I like the name Ivan. It fits you. And my name is (y/n).”
“Such a beautiful name for a beautiful lady, da?” She giggled again. I moved closer to her, but she retreated back. Was I really that scary? I felt a tug in my chest. Now what was that? Could I be…? No, I couldn’t be… falling for her, could I? When was the last time I had someone to just sit down and talk to? I couldn’t remember. Maybe I am falling for her.
“Ivan, what are you thinking about?” I snapped out of my trance.
“Just trying to think of the last time I had a guest. I guess I am a lonely man.”
She looked at the floor. “I know how that feels. I put myself I some bad situation because of it.” I could see the pain behind her smile. Her eye told me so. I kept staring, and I didn’t realize that I was leaning in, trying to steal a kiss. She turned and looked at me. When she saw what is was doing her expression turned to a look of pure fear. She scrambled to retreat into the corner on the other side of the room. I could she her chest was moving in and out and an increasing pace and she stared at me while trying to push herself farther into the wall. ‘What have I done?’
He tried to kiss me! I’m probably overreacting but that’s how they all stared the torturing, the using, the playing. I could see it affected Ivan negatively, but I couldn’t let it happen again. Never again. ‘Please! Don’t hurt me anymore.’
When I finally calmed down I let my butt hit the ground, pulled my knees to my chest, hid my face, and started to cry.
“Sunflower… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have… I won’t try it again… I promised I’d protect you… That mean even from me… So there’s no reason to cry, da?... Sunflower” he attempted to comfort me. Though, he didn’t dare come near me.
I continued to cry. The sickest part was I wanted that kiss. I am falling in love again. I barely know this man. Shows you how desperate I am. ‘Maybe this time he really likes me. Maybe he will protect me. Maybe he will care. Then again, it is just a bunch of maybes.’
I swear I could see tears on his face.
‘What have I done? I’ve ruined my chance at happiness. My chance to not be alone anymore.’
I felt a peculiar liquid pouring down my face. I reached up to find out the clear liquid came from my eyes. Was I crying? It was a feeling I wasn’t used to. I couldn’t let (y/n) see me like this. Not in this weak state. I discreetly wiped my eyes.
I looked up to notice (y/n) walking over too me. I looked back down.
“I-I’m sorry. I-I overreacted. I-it’s my f-fault.”
“No, I’m the one who should be sor…”
“No. It truly is my fault. Over the years, I’ve put myself in some bad… ‘situations’ and I’ve grown not to trust men like I used to. But, I’d like to start over.”
“I would to start over too.”
“I will give you that kiss if you promise me a couple things.”
“First, if I tell you no or stop, will you listen?”
“And last but most importantly, do you promise never to leave me? Please, don’t hurt me anymore…”
“Da, I promise on my heart to never leave you” I felt a warm feeling in my chest. I could get used to this.
She leaned in and then our lips connected. We both savored the moment.
And I kept my promise.